Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Best. Present. Ever.

I have a very dear friend -- we've known each other since we were fifteen -- who is always a breath of light and happiness when I see her.  We tend to fall into the same kind of chat and banter that we always have, even though we only see each other a couple of times a year.  We catch up -- "How's your dad?" "What are your kids up to?"and then we just are.

Wilathi is an artist, a gardener, a healer and a philosopher.  She is one of those people you love to know.  And she is also one of those people who treasures her friends and family.  I'm glad to be one of them.

Yesterday, Wil gave me a holiday gift.  When she handed me the square-framed, lensless glasses, I didn't get it at first.  She had decorated the temples and the rims, but the original rosy color shone through.  I put them on, asked, "Do these make me look more intelligent?"

And then I got it.

In our twenties, Wil delightedly accepted the fact that she sees the world through rose-colored glasses.  She wants to be the optimist.  The Pollyana.  The one who sees the good in the world.  "There's already so much negativity," she says. "So much darkness.  Why shouldn't we put these on to help us remember that there is also positivity, goodness and light?"

So I have my rose-colored glasses.  When things seem to be too much for me, when the fact of my father's illness or the snarky reviews or the weight of my responsibilities get to me, I can put them on, and remember the good, the positive and the light.  And Wil.


  1. We all need those glasses, don't we? Please tell me you don't have snarky reviews this early in the game? Because then I'll need extra rose-colored glasses.

    Wil sounds like a blessing.

  2. Wil is a blessing, Beth! And no snarky reviews yet, but one snarky comment. I just know that we writers have to be prepared for the fact that everyone has different tastes, and not all of them are going to run to my style of writing (or topic). But I'll need the glasses when the time comes!

  3. A forgiving tolerant **rosecolored** way of viewing others and the world works in theory.. and is a vital part of the honeymoon stage of any love affair. But one should beware of making allowances for truly pathological behavior because it can really take a toll on ur soul. And with potentially abusive relationships it robs u of your health, your sanity and maybe your life!! When a new lover turns out to be a cold hearted liar and u enjoy being a doormat or martyr better run out and get TWO pair of those
    fantastic Or wake up- like a wise. woman. sign me: tried the rose colored view and it cost me dearly.

    1. I hear life stories every day about women and men who believed that the person they married genuinely loved them. What they didn't know was that this individual was a narcissistic personality and that made all the difference. One of the common themes is for the non-narcissistic spouse to begin to see the psychological and emotional cracks in the partnership quite early. She/he overrides these observations and makes a greater effort to be more understanding [see rose colored glasses] and patient with her spouse. Inside she blames herself for letting her partner down. She takes the burden of her spouse's severe pathology upon herself. (I am using the feminine gender since statistically most narcissists are still males--but female narcissists are growing in numbers). There are some "good times" that are cherished by the spouse. She continues to believe that she can "fix the marriage." She doesn't understand the true dark nature of the narcissist. Why would she? Her assumption is that most people are genuine, honest and caring and that the marriage is a true partnership. Narcissists don't marry---they create arrangements that work for them..

      As the marriage deteriorates the narcissist makes more outrageous demands on his spouse. The bouts of bottomless rage increase. The recriminations and accusations are stepped up. If you have children, the narcissist is a father in name only. He is a man of many identities---a consummate actor who always gets what he wants. Narcissists can exploit their partner to the breaking point. They don't care if you are weak, exhausted, ill, depressed, anxious or desperate. They will use and abuse to the max. And when they are finished they will discard you.